You were great. You are great. You’re so great. I’m sorry if this ends up being a random stream of incoherent thoughts since I’m crying as I type this.
I love you so much just like I do all your siblings. You all mean so much to me. Ever since I was a little kid, I dreamed of having a litter of puppies in the house and you guys made that dream come true and I can’t explain how much that means. I love you all like my own.
When I found out you passed away, it dawned on me that I’ve never really cried when anyone I knew died. And yet I went up to my room today and just bawled. I know that sounds fucked up, but it means something.
I went out with friends and drank tonight…honestly just so I wouldn’t have to think about it and for that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
I’m so glad I got to know you. Even if it was for such a short amount of time. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there more. If I had known this would happen, I would have gladly missed spring quarter to spend time with you guys like I had been thinking.
I remember every time I came home to visit you all had changed so dramatically. You grew by leaps and bounds each time with your own distinctive characters growing with you. First we were calling you “Cowboy” and you could fit in the palm of my hands. Hah. The next time I saw you, you were huge and we were thinking of proper names for all of you.
And then there it was sitting right under our nose. Its damn surprising we didn’t notice it earlier. ”Mickey”. It was perfect. Not only did you have the damn Disney logo on the side of your body, but it fit your personality so well. You were by far the spunkiest, most outgoing out of all of the puppies. You just loved playing so Goddamn much. Hahaha. Even when the other puppies were worn out and wanted to go to bed, you just kept going!
I always thought it was really funny and cute that you and your brother were the only ones to get that signature grey face with the grey rings around your eyes. You could definitely tell you were the older brother though. Splints was a little scrappy but would usually just want to cuddle while you were jumping all over the place and having a ball trying to eat my hair whenever I was laying down.
Tonight someone came up to me and my friends and yelled “Its 11:11, make a wish!” I don’t know whether God or life after death is real and we both know (you’re a smart puppy) 11:11 has no damn significance, but I wished that you were in a better place and that I’d get to see you again someday.
I’m so sorry that things turned out like this and that I couldn’t be there. I love you so much and I can’t say it enough. Too much for you or anyone to understand. And I know some people think thats pathetic, but I think its so great. I’ll take care of the rest of your siblings and check up on them for you. Having Baby Girl up here with me next year will be so amazing and I know you’d be happy hearing that your baby sister is doing so well.
I’ll try my best to think about you everyday. You know me and how I think things shouldn’t be forgotten. Hell, sometimes it seems like thats what my life revolves around. Maybe thats not so healthy. But I don’t care because this means too much to me.
I love you and I want you to know that in 3 months you affected my life more than most people have.
I’m so fucking sad.